By Cynthia Woolever
News of Al and Tipper Gore's plans to divorce made many who thought a 40-year marriage was indestructible—well, think again. What supports a life-long and happy marriage? Religious institutions certainly try to support the marital institution. Does that support mean worshipers are less likely to be divorced?
The U.S. Congregational Life Survey findings on the percentages of divorced people sitting in the pew are remarkably consistent. Compared to the U.S. population where 10% are divorced and have not remarried, only 7% of worshipers are divorced and not remarried—the same percent in 2001. There are no differences in this percentage by the size of the congregation. Large congregations have the same percentage of divorced people as the smallest congregations do. There is a slight difference in the percentage of divorced worshipers across religious traditions. About 7% of Catholic and mainline Protestant worshipers are divorced. Worshipers in conservative Protestant churches are slightly more likely to be divorced (9%).
A recent study of divorce among individuals from six religious traditions (black Baptist, Jewish communities, white evangelical, mainline Protestant, Unitarian Universalist, and Catholic) revealed remarkable consistency in their experiences. All individuals studied were actively involved in a congregation during that process. (See "In Concert and Alone: Divorce and Congregational Experience," by Kathleen E. Jenkins, Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion (2010) 49 (2): 278-292). Available here—abstract for free; full article for a fee.)
Some of the key findings:
- All divorcing individuals experienced feelings of shame, congregational silence (unwritten rules prohibiting discussion related to break-ups of married couples in the church), and a sense of aloneness while worshiping beside others.
- They gave several reasons for these feelings—including sermons that framed the divorce as deviant and the potential for negative judgment and gossip from other worshipers.
- They believed one of the reasons behind congregational silence was the fear that discussion of divorce may make other congregants take sides.
- The divorce practices of religious traditions reinforced the private and highly emotional nature of divorce and, in some ways, marginalized those who were ending relationships.
How did congregations help individuals who were divorcing or ending relationships?
- Grief and divorce support groups
- Pastoral counseling
- Separation ceremonies (such as "get" in Jewish communities or annulment in Catholic communities)
- Weekly worship services (individuals attending these services found them comforting and helpful)
- Religious music (individuals found healing through listening to music)
Research shows that religion in general and congregations in particular support people's health and wellness as they face loss (such as death or divorce). This new research suggests that congregations can do more to support divorcing individuals within the faith community.
How does your congregation support worshipers when they face divorce? Could it do more?
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