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February 15, 2008

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Bob

Whats up with believing in the one holy catholic church? Is it like a history thing or is that really a confession of the presbyterian church?

Inger

How to Conduct Pagan Worship
First, gather a majority of like-minded people together. These people should regard their conscience and feelings much greater than God’s Word. Should a minorty show up and insist God’s Word be followed and honored, be sure to belittle them and defame them as intolerable. There’s a good chance you’ll get rid of them since they take that passage in 2 Cor 14-16 very seriously.
Second, take great care to use lots of Christian lingo in your advertising of the gathering. That way newbies will be none the wiser about your agenda. Be sure to throw the words Jesus Christ around a lot. Newbies seem to be drawn to those words.
Third, seek out images of birds and animals to dance throughout the worship service. Hiring puppeteers to handle this important feature is best. Your like-minded attendees will love this! They will see it as art and creativeness, and these dancing puppets will keep them grossly entertained. Don’t forget to throw in a baptism and some reading from God’s Word to throw off the newbies. You don’t want them to actually know your gathering is pagan. Usually, as long as you entertain them, you’ll fool them into thinking they are worshipping Yahweh.
Well, there you go, some great advice on how to conduct a pagan worship service. Remember, actually believing in or taking seriously God’s Word is completely unacceptable. As per PCUSA vice-moderator “reverend” Landon Whitsitt, “God’s Word is only a reference point.” It’s not actually a word from God afterall.

For those of minority in the PCUSA, let us not forget God’s actual, breathed-out Word: For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. Romans 1:25 – 25
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